The Art of Communication and Dialogue
(Raymond Nader, President of the Family of Saint Sharbel Community)
The Art of Communication and Dialogue
By Raymond Nader
December 2014
http://www.ayletmarcharbel.org/content/The%20Art%20of%20Communication%20-%20Raymond%20Nader-%20December%202014
Communication and dialogue are some of the most important foundations upon which human relationships are built.
Every misunderstanding in family or society is caused by a lack of communication and dialogue.
Humans need to communicate. They are social beings who neither live, nor grow in isolation; they need each other to fully develop. This is a human trait and a blessing that animals do not possess. Only humans can communicate rationally.
In this Season of the Birth of Our Lord, season of Incarnation, we see the most sublime of God’s work. God gave humans the grace of communicating with him.
Humans have a fundamental need to communicate with the Creator to grow in their humanity. They also need social communication: the child at home communicates emotionally with her mother and fathers. Then, when she grows up, she discovers the greatness of communicating with the Creator without whom no growth or perfection is possible. Humans delve deeply into the mystery of existence and the meaning of life through this communication with the Creator.
Saint Paul says that God has spoken to us in many ways, beginning with the prophets, but in the fullness of time he spoke to us through the Word, his son Jesus. Jesus is the communication between us and God. This is of great importance.
In our daily life, we live through many different experiences. We learn new things every day, and we take in many thoughts. All this shapes us. The human brain contains ideas, experiences, and knowledge. In interpersonal communication, all these are expressed: they proceed out of one person and are received by another. What proceeds from one becomes part of the other and contributes to her formation.
Thus God spoke to us through the Word who took flesh and lived among us. Who is the Word of God? It is Jesus, God’s mind, God’s experience, God’s love, God’s might…All these became incarnate in the Word, so that this Word may be in us. This is a big blessing and the splendor of humanity. This is the greatest historical event, the apex of communication between God and humans, whose goal is for humans to receive the perfection of their humanity from Jesus, the perfect man, and the perfection of their divinity from Jesus, the perfect God.
Communication, then, takes from us and puts in the other person, and vice versa. True communication is founded on building up others.
How did Jesus communicate with people?
With his disciples: who do people say that I am? He asked them and they replied. Then he asked again, and Peter answered under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit who revealed the teaching to him.
The disciples of the road to Emmaus: two disciples were walking and communicating with each other. Jesus started a dialogue with them. He walked with them, asked them, explained to them, and heard them. Jesus’ communication with people inspired techniques taught today in universities.
When asked if it is lawful to pay taxes to Caesar, Jesus asked: whose image is this? In the encounter with the blind man, Jesus came to the blind man and asked him what he wanted so that he would engage him in dialogue. We see that, in his wonderful dialogue with the Samaritan woman, Jesus entered her life and redirected her from the water that quenches earthly thirst to the deep living water that springs out of the person’s depth.
In other instances, Jesus did not talk, but his silence was very eloquent. In the episode of the stoning of the adulteress, he only wrote in the sand. In many other instances, he spoke with his eyes, as when he saw Peter at the trial: he looked at him and his look said a lot.
He spoke to his disciples in parables. He drew a picture in parables. He was the first to use audio-visual aids.
In sum, communication today is necessary for learning, progress, and development. Every experience we live and every word we hear shape us, either in a negative or in a positive way. But every dialogue with the other can be beneficial to us if put in the context of self-upbuilding through God’s presence in us.
Communication does not need to be verbal. It is comprised of three elements: 40% audible, 50% visual, and 10% verbal. When we listen, we understand a lot from intonation. Our eyes communicate half the content, and they are the most important element of communication: eyes speak louder than words.
Saint Francis used to send out his disciples to preach and instructed them to even use their words in preaching, if necessary.
When we communicate and aim to convey an idea to another person, it is important to express it properly, then put it out there and wait for a response. We should not simply output ideas without listening to the other and understanding her.
These are the rules of communication: convey a message and wait, without coercing or imposing certain ideas on the other.
It is crucial that I accept the other who is different from me, otherwise it is no use communicating with her. I must take into consideration obstacles, language, time, place, age, etc. All this affects communication and must be taken into account.
There is a big difference between hearing and listening. We hear a lot of things, but listening is an art that requires concentrating and understanding what the other wants. Constructive listening has requirements: I must connect emotionally and empathize with the other and put myself in her shoes if we are to reach a resolution and build each other up.
It is also crucial, when listening, to remove from our minds all prejudice: wait and do not form judgments before the other person finishes talking.
There is a difference, then, between dialogue, conversation, and discussion. Conversation is an exchange of ideas that happens every day and at all times between people. Discussion is a debate over ideas in which only one idea wins: it is an exchange of ideas in order to convince the other. Dialogue is the most important and the foundation of human life: it is a communication that aims to change and build up. Dialogue aims to produce a certain effect, a new birth. To be constructive and fruitful, dialogue must be neither condescending, nor cowed. A constructive dialogue is horizontally level. The Lord Jesus taught with authority, but when dealing with people, he communicated at their level.
In today’s world a lot of ideas and information reaches us. We must always discern which of it we need, is correct and beneficial, and ignore the rest. In our conversations, we must think well before we spew words out, for the wrong word can destroy. We must speak carefully, weigh our words, and be clear. We must always check if the other person understands correctly what we are saying, asking, or clarifying. We must listen attentively. We must not react before the other person is finished talking. We must practice listening with patience, calm, and concentration. People use all five senses when they converse, and we should use all these senses constructively.
Every person is unique, and every dialogue must be built on the foundation of love and honesty. No dialogue succeeds without these two virtues.
Let us consider this example: two people are playing tennis. Each of them hits the ball to the other containing a question or a thought. The other hits the balls back containing a question, an answer, or an idea…thrown back and forth until the players become less important than the ball that keeps getting bigger. The goal becomes more important, as do love, sincerity, and creativity. This constitutes true, constructive dialogue that leads to change in the family, society, and humanity.
All this occurs in the presence of Jesus, and, without Jesus, no upbuilding is possible.
On this blessed feast, let us re-enter into dialogue with God, so we may be filled by him and start a dialogue with our fellow human. To every person we meet let us add a brick from our experience and all that we have. Similarly, let us allow every person we meet to add a brick to our structure. But the Lord is the one who raises the building and helps it grow and develop. The spiritual message of this feast is a reminder that Jesus is the foundation, the focus of the feast. He dwells in every needy person and teaches us to reach out to the other in order to reach perfection.
From the experiences of Raymond Nader: “The word is embodied and not a soundwave reverberating in the air. Chisel every word in your mind before you say it, sculpt it in your spirit, smooth it out in your heart, and proffer it as you would lay out a brick in the right place. Disregard words that do not build up. Speak only when your words are deeper and more eloquent than your silence.”
Prayer: “Lord, you have revealed to us the dimensions of man, the creature you made in your image and likeness. We ask you to send us your Holy Spirit […] which dwelt on the Virgin Mary and made her Mother of Christ. May this same Holy Spirit descend today upon us all, individuals and couples, and create in our hearts a new person, the creature awaiting to be born in us. Let us repeat with the Virgin Mary: ‘I am the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done to me according to your word.’ Then will the Word become flesh and dwell in us, as he dwelt in the womb of the Virgin Mary. Thus, Jesus will be born in our hearts…” Amen. (Fr. Henri Boulad, S.J., from his book, “Toward a better life”).
By Raymond Nader
December 2014
http://www.ayletmarcharbel.org/content/The%20Art%20of%20Communication%20-%20Raymond%20Nader-%20December%202014
Communication and dialogue are some of the most important foundations upon which human relationships are built.
Every misunderstanding in family or society is caused by a lack of communication and dialogue.
Humans need to communicate. They are social beings who neither live, nor grow in isolation; they need each other to fully develop. This is a human trait and a blessing that animals do not possess. Only humans can communicate rationally.
In this Season of the Birth of Our Lord, season of Incarnation, we see the most sublime of God’s work. God gave humans the grace of communicating with him.
Humans have a fundamental need to communicate with the Creator to grow in their humanity. They also need social communication: the child at home communicates emotionally with her mother and fathers. Then, when she grows up, she discovers the greatness of communicating with the Creator without whom no growth or perfection is possible. Humans delve deeply into the mystery of existence and the meaning of life through this communication with the Creator.
Saint Paul says that God has spoken to us in many ways, beginning with the prophets, but in the fullness of time he spoke to us through the Word, his son Jesus. Jesus is the communication between us and God. This is of great importance.
In our daily life, we live through many different experiences. We learn new things every day, and we take in many thoughts. All this shapes us. The human brain contains ideas, experiences, and knowledge. In interpersonal communication, all these are expressed: they proceed out of one person and are received by another. What proceeds from one becomes part of the other and contributes to her formation.
Thus God spoke to us through the Word who took flesh and lived among us. Who is the Word of God? It is Jesus, God’s mind, God’s experience, God’s love, God’s might…All these became incarnate in the Word, so that this Word may be in us. This is a big blessing and the splendor of humanity. This is the greatest historical event, the apex of communication between God and humans, whose goal is for humans to receive the perfection of their humanity from Jesus, the perfect man, and the perfection of their divinity from Jesus, the perfect God.
Communication, then, takes from us and puts in the other person, and vice versa. True communication is founded on building up others.
How did Jesus communicate with people?
With his disciples: who do people say that I am? He asked them and they replied. Then he asked again, and Peter answered under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit who revealed the teaching to him.
The disciples of the road to Emmaus: two disciples were walking and communicating with each other. Jesus started a dialogue with them. He walked with them, asked them, explained to them, and heard them. Jesus’ communication with people inspired techniques taught today in universities.
When asked if it is lawful to pay taxes to Caesar, Jesus asked: whose image is this? In the encounter with the blind man, Jesus came to the blind man and asked him what he wanted so that he would engage him in dialogue. We see that, in his wonderful dialogue with the Samaritan woman, Jesus entered her life and redirected her from the water that quenches earthly thirst to the deep living water that springs out of the person’s depth.
In other instances, Jesus did not talk, but his silence was very eloquent. In the episode of the stoning of the adulteress, he only wrote in the sand. In many other instances, he spoke with his eyes, as when he saw Peter at the trial: he looked at him and his look said a lot.
He spoke to his disciples in parables. He drew a picture in parables. He was the first to use audio-visual aids.
In sum, communication today is necessary for learning, progress, and development. Every experience we live and every word we hear shape us, either in a negative or in a positive way. But every dialogue with the other can be beneficial to us if put in the context of self-upbuilding through God’s presence in us.
Communication does not need to be verbal. It is comprised of three elements: 40% audible, 50% visual, and 10% verbal. When we listen, we understand a lot from intonation. Our eyes communicate half the content, and they are the most important element of communication: eyes speak louder than words.
Saint Francis used to send out his disciples to preach and instructed them to even use their words in preaching, if necessary.
When we communicate and aim to convey an idea to another person, it is important to express it properly, then put it out there and wait for a response. We should not simply output ideas without listening to the other and understanding her.
These are the rules of communication: convey a message and wait, without coercing or imposing certain ideas on the other.
It is crucial that I accept the other who is different from me, otherwise it is no use communicating with her. I must take into consideration obstacles, language, time, place, age, etc. All this affects communication and must be taken into account.
There is a big difference between hearing and listening. We hear a lot of things, but listening is an art that requires concentrating and understanding what the other wants. Constructive listening has requirements: I must connect emotionally and empathize with the other and put myself in her shoes if we are to reach a resolution and build each other up.
It is also crucial, when listening, to remove from our minds all prejudice: wait and do not form judgments before the other person finishes talking.
There is a difference, then, between dialogue, conversation, and discussion. Conversation is an exchange of ideas that happens every day and at all times between people. Discussion is a debate over ideas in which only one idea wins: it is an exchange of ideas in order to convince the other. Dialogue is the most important and the foundation of human life: it is a communication that aims to change and build up. Dialogue aims to produce a certain effect, a new birth. To be constructive and fruitful, dialogue must be neither condescending, nor cowed. A constructive dialogue is horizontally level. The Lord Jesus taught with authority, but when dealing with people, he communicated at their level.
In today’s world a lot of ideas and information reaches us. We must always discern which of it we need, is correct and beneficial, and ignore the rest. In our conversations, we must think well before we spew words out, for the wrong word can destroy. We must speak carefully, weigh our words, and be clear. We must always check if the other person understands correctly what we are saying, asking, or clarifying. We must listen attentively. We must not react before the other person is finished talking. We must practice listening with patience, calm, and concentration. People use all five senses when they converse, and we should use all these senses constructively.
Every person is unique, and every dialogue must be built on the foundation of love and honesty. No dialogue succeeds without these two virtues.
Let us consider this example: two people are playing tennis. Each of them hits the ball to the other containing a question or a thought. The other hits the balls back containing a question, an answer, or an idea…thrown back and forth until the players become less important than the ball that keeps getting bigger. The goal becomes more important, as do love, sincerity, and creativity. This constitutes true, constructive dialogue that leads to change in the family, society, and humanity.
All this occurs in the presence of Jesus, and, without Jesus, no upbuilding is possible.
On this blessed feast, let us re-enter into dialogue with God, so we may be filled by him and start a dialogue with our fellow human. To every person we meet let us add a brick from our experience and all that we have. Similarly, let us allow every person we meet to add a brick to our structure. But the Lord is the one who raises the building and helps it grow and develop. The spiritual message of this feast is a reminder that Jesus is the foundation, the focus of the feast. He dwells in every needy person and teaches us to reach out to the other in order to reach perfection.
From the experiences of Raymond Nader: “The word is embodied and not a soundwave reverberating in the air. Chisel every word in your mind before you say it, sculpt it in your spirit, smooth it out in your heart, and proffer it as you would lay out a brick in the right place. Disregard words that do not build up. Speak only when your words are deeper and more eloquent than your silence.”
Prayer: “Lord, you have revealed to us the dimensions of man, the creature you made in your image and likeness. We ask you to send us your Holy Spirit […] which dwelt on the Virgin Mary and made her Mother of Christ. May this same Holy Spirit descend today upon us all, individuals and couples, and create in our hearts a new person, the creature awaiting to be born in us. Let us repeat with the Virgin Mary: ‘I am the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done to me according to your word.’ Then will the Word become flesh and dwell in us, as he dwelt in the womb of the Virgin Mary. Thus, Jesus will be born in our hearts…” Amen. (Fr. Henri Boulad, S.J., from his book, “Toward a better life”).
